"Look, Mommy, look, Giants!"

But Mommy isn't listening - she's oblivious, immersed in her glossy 'Modern Parenting'. Makes me wonder whether I'm not missing out somehow. I mean, this parenting must  be really fascinating...

The train comes to a stop in a cacophony of noise. In a valley below, two giants in full battle gear and a slight, lone man, dangling a shepherd's slingshot, barefoot and dressed in a threadbare brown tunic, are facing each other. Hundreds of people on the high ground behind them are shouting and cheering, exhorting their champion to action.

The right giant, who looks rather like George Bush, Gadafi and Sepp Blatter, roars out his challenge: "Show me 10 Zillion Green Ones in your numbered account,  10 Ducatis in your garage, and 10 occasions when you have lied superbly, and I'll come to your funeral."

The left giant, who looks like Mother Teresa, Albert Schweitzer and Desmond Tutu, responds in kind: "Show me 10 calluses on your hands, 10 Boy Scout merit badges for citizenship and 10 conscientious objection letters to Walmart, with duplicates to Bill Gates and The Vatican, and I'll ease your passing".

David, whose closest relative could be Bob Hope, isn't fazed: "Show me a thirst for learning in 10 of your children, the joy of living of 10 newly-coupled, and 10 jokes about giants, and I'll laugh with you."

At this the masses become frantic with anxiety that the fight might turn into a tea party and begin a general free-for-all. Blood flows like tears at a rich animal lover's will reading.

The conductor appears outside the train with a megaphone. "Passengers, the Winning-Parents Foundation  wants to update the David and Goliath story for more relevance in modern contexts.  It has provided the requisite funds to influence the outcome. With a show of hands please indicate which you prefer:

      1. David runs away - no fight, no result, no direction, and life goes on.

      2.  David beats up one of the giants - giving succor and hope to the down-trodden that they can win against impossible odds.

      3.  David beats up both giants - giving a wonderful boost to fairy tales.

      4.  David gets beaten up - giving a wonderful boost to masochists.

      5.  All three agree to encourage their followers to have a really good fight and get rid of a lot of aggression.

      6.  All three have a slow cuppa together and decide on questions for Dr Phil to resolve all issues.

When Number 6 wins by a land slide, Little Johnny is upset: "I liked the old story. There was a good and there was a bad. Now Grown-ups talk, talk, talk, and then ask Dr Phil."